More fun with The Onion Personals!

My popularity on The Onion Personals has been steadily dwindling since I signed up. It's sad, really. The latest email about 'New Matches!' could only scrounge up one new member that met my rather demanding criteria (age 22-30, living in Chicago).

Here she is:



Some of you may recognize that big-mouthed redhead. First, The Onion tried setting my up with my boss's ex-girlfriend, now it's trying to re-acquaint me with my own. Oh, Onion. Stick to satire.

...

Omg wait... Are they sticking to satire?!?