She is in your extended network. (They all are).

A few weeks ago, my friend Luc was telling me these great stories about meeting crazy girls from The Onion Personals. The stories were so funny, in fact, that I decided to sign up, and did so immediately.

Five minutes later, I was bored with the site and forgot completely about it.

That is, until a couple of weeks later, when I received an official Onion email, promising new matches to my profile! I clicked the link to check out these fatties, and was surprised to find that a handful of cute girls had "winked" at me on the site. One of these girls seemed particulary attractive (and possibly even smart), so I replied to her wink. Chalk one up for the internet.

I was a bit skeptical about The Onion's message system though, because it kept referring me to the "account upgrade" page on the site, which I of course refused to do. Signing up was funny; paying $100 for it, sad.

So, in a somewhat dubious move, I did a quick myspace search for the girl's name. Surprise, surprise, she popped right up. At this point, she had contacted me twice on The Onion's page, and was looking gorgeous as well, so I went for broke and sent her a myspace message.

About an hour later, I was woken up by my phone. It's Luc.

Luc: Hey, did you send a message to a girl named **** on myspace?
Me: Huh, wha-um, yeah, I think so.
Luc: (Laughing) She's a friend of mine. She just called me, asking if you were some kind of stalker.
Me: Um.
Luc: But don't worry man, I told her you were normal.
Me: Thanks Luc, goodnight.
Luc: See you tomorrow, stalker.

So yeah, after getting turned onto the damn site by Luc, the first girl I message there is an acquaintance of his. They even dated for a bit.

Fucking Chicago.